Girl’s football: good clean fun – a sarcastic take

“Sugar, spice and all things nice.

These girls are such an inspiration, so lovely, none would ever dream of taking a dive or challenging an opponent unfairly. That’s not what nice girls do, and that’s what these girls are: nice. None of them care for the spotlight or the money of the professional game, they play because they just love England so much and, quite simply, adore giggling around the pitch with their best pals.

As a father of a daughter, it fills my dad heart with joy that my little girl (Tina, 27) can join in on the fun and not run the risk of injury of foul language, not like in the nasty men’s game where we allow shithousing because men are pros.

Gosh, I can’t wait until the next major tournament [when I’ll be forced to show my face around Women’s football again], so I can enjoy the purity of this pink sugar puff of a sport. Lets hear it for the girls!

Signed,
Chief MEN’S football writer, wishing he was anywhere but at a girl’s game.”

If you’re here, you already watch women’s football and know as well as I do that, although there’s less shithousing in the women’s game, it’s still very much a part of the sport.

The dives, the blind calls for penalties and cards from players before they’ve even hit the ground and yes, the malicious challenges – or even just sometimes a goalkeeper kicking the shite out of a cooler that will never get to be a chair in NWSL.

Women aren’t a completely different species who are only concerned with the soft things in life like cushions, afternoon tea and sympathetically faking orgasms. The more the game grows, the more jeopardy there is as more hangs in the balance and the pressure ramps up, we will likely see more still in the name of gamesmanship and whether you like it or not, it’s high time to stop pretending that girls who play football are that different from their male counterparts. The condescension the biggest shithouse of all.