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WSL players as fruit. That’s right

If you’ve ever wanted to get fruity with a WSL footballer, look no further

Joerdeli Photography | Daniela Porcelli

Here at AllforXI, we love nothing more than hard-hitting journalism that pushes the envelope and challenges your perceptions of women’s football. Which is exactly why we sat down with 24 footballers from around the FA WSL and asked them the burning question of what fruit they be.

With a simple hypothesis of, Fruit = delicious and nutritious. Footballers = footballers, we got to work, gathering and collating the data. We then ground the data into a fine powder and poured it into various test tubes whilst looking sciencey and studious. We then mixed the powder with eggs, milk and butter before baking at 180°C for 45 minutes before resting. The results were harrowing: WSL was full of strawberries.

The results in full

Raw data. A table but not for sitting at.

But what did it mean? Who were these players? Why would some prefer to be apples and others kiwis, we did all we could think of, eating more cake and asking each player…

Rosella Ayane: Tottenham Hotspur – attacker – 23
Fruit: Cucumber
Reason: Much like the cucumber, Ayane is “long.

Jade Bailey: Liverpool – midfielder – 23
Fruit: Pineapple
Reason: Everyone says she looks like a pineapple because of her hair.

Jennifer Beattie: Arsenal – defender – 28
Fruit: Peach
Reason: “No idea.

Janine Beckie: Manchester City – midfielder – 25
Fruit: Peach
Reason: Because peaches are sweet and, “if they’re not right, they can be a little hard.”

Millie Bright: Chelsea – defender – 26
Fruit: Kiwi
Reason: “I like green.

Gemma Davison: Tottenham Hotspur – attacker – 32
Fruit: Strawberry
Reason: Because it’s, “everyone’s favourite.

Gabby George: Everton – defender – 22
Fruit: Pineapple
Reason: Because they’re sweet.

Lucy Graham: Everton – midfielder – 22
Fruit: Strawberry
Reason: Because they’re sweet and she likes to put them on her porridge.

A graph that explains absolutely nothing

Jackie Groenen: Manchester United – midfielder – 25
Fruit: Mango
Reason: Unknown.

Sophie Harris: Brighton – goalkeeper – 25
Fruit: Strawberry
Reason: Because she’s “strawberry blonde,” although everyone would call her orange/ginger.

Kerys Harrop: Birmingham City – defender – 28
Fruit: Pineapple
Reason: Because just like Harrop, pineapples and “sweet and exotic.

Alisha Lehmann: West Ham United – attacker – 20
Fruit: Strawberry
Reason: “Sweet and nice.

Adriana Leon: West Ham United – attacker – 26
Fruit: Green apple
Reason: Unknown.

Grace Moloney: Reading – goalkeeper – 26
Fruit: Melon (Cantaloupe)
Reason: Undisclosed.

Jade Moore: Reading – midfielder – 28
Fruit: Apple (Pink Lady)
Reason: “It’s just a good fruit.

Poppy Pattinson: Bristol City – defender – 19
Fruit: Kiwi
Reason: Because they’re, “nice and fluffy on the outside and soft and sweet on the inside.

Amy Rogers: Liverpool – midfielder – 19
Fruit: Red apple
Reason: “Simple.

Beth Rowe: Brighton – defender – 19
Fruit: Pomegranate
Reason: Because pomegranates have a “hard shell” and “different layers.”

Someone took time out of their day to make this because FRUIT

Ebony Salmon: Bristol City – attacker – 18
Fruit: Banana
Reason: Because like Salmon they’re “full of energy.

Demi Stokes: Manchester City – defender – 27
Fruit: Pineapple
Reason: “Hair.

Carly Telford: Chelsea – goalkeeper – 32
Fruit: Pineapple
Reason: “Hard on the outside, soft and tangy on the inside.

Millie Turner: Manchester United – defender – 23
Fruit: Orange
Reason: “Layers.

Briana Visalli: Birmingham City – attacker – 24
Fruit: Apple (Pink Lady)
Reason: Because, “You are what you eat.

Lia Wälti: Arsenal – midfielder – 26
Fruit: Red apple
Reason: Because they, “Hang off trees.

But WHAT does it mean, what have we learned? Strawberries are delicious, footballers haven’t quite gotten the hang on what fruits have layers rather than which have an inedible outside and Lia Wälti might be a monkey in her spare time.