It’s crunch time. Teams are gonna know pretty soon how many points they need to make playoffs (or get eliminated). Also, it’s Friday, and we are living in an increasingly dystopian hellscape. Therefore, let us contemplate the comfort of warm starchy carbs instead of stressing over points. Here are the NWSL teams as potato dishes. We apologize in advance for you being hungry.
Chicago Red Stars - Hashbrowns
These come in several forms and some of them really aren’t as satisfying as the others. And sometimes you just want the simple $0.99 McDonald’s puck. Attempting to fancy them up probably won’t end well. Just let them be what they are.
Houston Dash - Tater tots
Deceptively simple, but there’s honestly a pretty big gap between their floor and their ceiling. They can be quite good, and they can also be mush.
North Carolina Courage - Spicy fries
You take a winner (fries) and you add even more winning (flavor) on top of that and you have a real all-timer.
Orlando Pride- Potatoes au gratin
They seem fancy because of the French name but it’s just really, really thin potatoes in cheesy sauce. But that extra bit of effort is a nice way to dress up a basic casserole style dish.
Portland Thorns - Poutine
If you know, then you know, and people in the know LOVE poutine. But only authentic poutine - you can’t just melt cheese over fries and slop gravy on it and say it’s poutine. The curds have to squeak. Outsiders don’t really get it.
Reign FC - Gnocchi
Often transcendent in the hands of the right chef. How do you take a cold, hard, dirty root and turn it into a little packet of pure flavor that melts in your mouth? Is Vlatko Andonovski secretly someone’s Italian nonna who even if you try to recreate his recipe you’ll never get it because...???
Sky Blue FC - Mashed potatoes and gravy
Simple, comforting, basic. Not a ton of complexity but you know what you’re gonna get. Fans of this dish aren’t here for a three-star Michelin experience; they like it because it always delivers...emotionally.
Utah Royals - Baked potato
Dense, plain on its own, requires a lot of assembly to get something that’s not just endless mouths-full of starch. But sometimes, you get that perfect bite...
Washington Spirit - Fries
Your basic staple potato dish, liked by almost everyone. Who doesn’t like fries? Needs some spice and toppings to really be something special, but a solid base to work with. A strike-while-the-iron-is-hot food though; they’re great when fresh, but cold, they’re pretty disgusting.