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Five not-so serious improvements to the next Women’s World Cup

32-team Women’s World Cup? Why stop there! Why not 76!!

Norway v Australia - Women’s World Cup 2019 Photo by Pascal Della Zuana/Icon Sport via Getty Images

Watching and covering women’s football, it’s really hard to accept that Gio and the lads have the best interests of the game in mind when they suggest that the 2023 Women’s World Cup should/will consist of 32 teams. The bigger issue with dropping this bomb? That the teams who’ve submitted a bid to host will have to resubmit as the process reopens to allow for the extra headache and necessary investment that comes with eight additional teams.

So whilst FIFA propose these grave ideas, there are five super serious things that would improve the ninth Women’s World Cup. Let’s explore each one.

1. Extra time, but with beach balls

Whilst we’re all agreed that extra time is a pretty terrible thing, we know that golden goal is a steaming pile of nefariousness and shoot outs were invented by just the worst people. So, if we’re going to have to endure extra time, let’s banter it up by taking out the standard size football and replace it with beach balls. (At least one, possibly many?!?!?)

2. Replace all referees with dogs

That’s it, no further explanation required: Replace. All. Referees. With. Dogs.

3. Replace VAR with a Magic 8-ball

Handball? *shakes* All signs point to yes. It’s a dreadful system but… sorry, that should be, it’s better than that dreadful system, VAR.

4. Get rid of the final and third-place matches and replace them with *shakes 8-ball* a Battle Royale

Let’s face it, there are now 93.7 teams in the tournament and it runs for eight straight months. By the time you reach the last four, you’re dead on your feet. So, instead of giving it large for 90 minutes (and an additional 30 with a multicoloured inflatable), whack a ring in the middle of the pitch, cram all 92 players into it and go wild. The extra benefits to this idea? Even the third choice ‘keepers get to play.

5. Change the concussion protocol

Change the damn concussion protocols so that any player who has a head injury gets a fair assessment to stop them from you know, dying during the match. I know, it’s the most wild of all five ideas and the least likely to happen but…*referee dog shakes 8-ball* damn, “outlook hazy.”

What are your entirely serious proposals to improve the World Cup? Let us know in the comments below!