If you weren’t aware, the World Cup is occurring and frankly, we’re already knackered - jazzed by all the football, but just knackered. If like us, you’re already feeling a little melted, here’s our helpful guide to get your through the next month.

1. Stay hydrated

Whilst you might not be in the sweltering heat of Nice, it is summer in the northern hemisphere and as such, we want to make sure you’re staying hydrated. The best way to do this is to employ Women’s World Cup drinking games;

• take a shot everyone someone scores a goal
• finish your drink if VAR
• do a keg-stand if a penalty is awarded as a result of VAR that wouldn’t have been called before the nonsense recent rule change
• chug a bottle of tequila every time a non-woso person says something asinine on comms – it’s the easiest way to block their crap out

2. Time zones

Remember your time zones, 9pm in France isn’t the same as 9pm in Italy… okay our geography is bad, but we think the main difference there is cheese. If you’re in a complete tizz and your local listings are only confusing you more, just Google, “What’s the time in France now?” It seems simple but dang, this World Cup has already messed with our brains.

3. Make your own kit

Absolutely lurve one/some/all (?!) of the World Cup kits? Said, “screw it!” and forked over what is probably far too much money for a t-shirt only to be left waiting for it to arrive? Cut out the middle man, get yourself down to JoAnn Fabrics and make your own kit.

Not a dab-hand with the sewing machine? Get some plain t-shirts and a pack of Sharpies from Target and you’re sorted. (But whilst you’re there, don’t forget to pick up $50 worth of groceries, a beanbag chair, an outdoor barbeque and ooh, look they’ve got a five-gallon jug of cheese puffs for 99c…)

4. Be there for each other

It’s hard being a football fan, trust me, I’m British. It’s not all wins and goals, sometimes your team gets beat, sometimes your team gets beat bad. Sometimes it’s not your team but that of a friend, family member or loved one, it’s times like this— Australia losing at the death against Italy, South Africa’s bogus VAR calls against Spain, South Korea getting roasted by France— that people will need pillars of emotional support.

And brace yourselves, winter is the knockouts are coming.

5. Follow AllforXI

Shameless, we know, but you should definitely be following AfXI on Twitter and Instagram, as we’ve got a team of very talented worker monkeys ready and waiting to dance, DANCE MONKEYS DANCE. With some of us in France and others at home, we’ve got you covered from back to front with insight, snark and more snark.