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Five reasons Scotland are going to rock Group D harder than the Palaeolithic era

In which Scotland are Justin Timberlake and Group D is your body

Scotland v Jamaica - Women’s International Friendly Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images

They’re not favourites to finish top of Group D, hell, they’re not even favourites to finish second in Group D but Scotland dinnae care. Here’s five reasons why they’re going to thrill the kilts off of everyone at the World Cup this summer.

1. They’ve got Kim Little.

Little by name, little by nature, bloody massive in ability. Wee Kimmy (wi Kimmēh) remains one of the most talented footballers to ever come out of Scotland and she finally has a chance to prove herself on the world stage (wearing a Scotland jersey, not the mythological Team GB one). Having missed out on the Euros two years ago, the thunder from Mintlaw is primed to have a summer to remember.

2. They’ve got Kim Little. They’ve got Erin Cuthbert.

The Scottish team is far more than just two players, but there is no denying the sublime form [wee] Erin has been in this season. Scoring bangers for fun for Scotland (we see you vs Jamaica, Erin) as well as for Chelsea (we see you vs Lyon, Erin), the unpredictable and fearless 20-year-old will be looking to own the 2019 World Cup.

3. They’ve got a score to settle.

As some may not know – and others will be bored of being reminded – when Scotland made their major tournament debut in the Netherlands at the 2017 European Championships, they got utterly spanked by their southern neighbours. For a number of reasons, Scotland were not on a song in the Netherlands and certainly not in their opening match against the Lionesses, a team that’s far better than a 6-0 loss, they’ll be looking to bite back this summer.

4. Shelley Kerr is the HBIC.

The coach, the woman, the quiff; if you don’t know her yet you soon will. Widely respected during her playing days, Kerr made the transition to coaching with ease, taking everything in stride – even when she became the first woman in the UK to coach a men’s team, the Broxburn native remained nonplussed. A studious and intelligent coach, Scotland are in the best possible hands this summer.

5. Bagpipes induce a state of hypnosis

Flower of Scotland is truly a siren song that will lull teams to their demise in France and… fine, it’s not. The fifth reason Scotland are going to groove the heck out of you this summer? Beyond Kim and Erin and Shelley, the team is a really good one. Yes, they have their individuals (including the ridiculously talented Caroline Weir) and a grade A coach, but the other 20 women in the squad are no slouches. And with a fair chunk of them playing in the full-time WSL (as well as Lizzie Arnot and Kirsty Smith who’ve been FT at Manchester United this past season), the team is very well conditioned. (Additionally, extra funding means the Scotland-based players will be having been training full-time since January this year too!)

In summation, they’re really rather good.

Group D schedule
June 9 - Scotland vs England
June 14 - Scotland vs Japan
June 19 - Scotland vs Argentina